Seems once or twice a year I fall off the writing trolley and find myself on a totally different mode of transportation; like the painting train, the cooking car, or some other creative moving action metaphor I cannot think of right now.
Writing seems to happen best when I am stressed, busy, discontented, worried, anxious, and terrified over what is going to happen next in my life. This time? Graduate school in London. For months I’ve pondered over my options. I have chosen Middlesex University in London. It’s amazingly nerve-racking…
Mind you, it’s a good kind of stress. It’s a good kind of anxious. Good kind of worried. I hope. No… I know it is. I do. But can you believe it? Can you really believe it? I’ve worked so hard, for so long, for so much, and life is slowly falling right where I’ve always dreamed it would.
There were several people who told me not to waste my thoughts on such extravert ideals; I’m happy I never listened to them. To all those people who said I would never do anything special- thank you for the motivation. Trust me, do I LOVE to prove people wrong (but have little issue with being wrong).
I’m pretty talented at placing a positive spin on a negative situation. I’ve spent my entire life doing that. Yes, I admit, there did exist low points… but I have learned that with the low comes the high, comes the standard, comes the “ok”, comes the contentment.
How absolutely extraordinarily astoundingly wonderful life has become. And how? How did my life become this way? I spent several hours today reading my journals, my blog, listening to audio I recorded… and I think “God… I was so sad.” And guess… guess my sweet friend… what I did with my sadness?
I let it exist.
I let the sadness envelop me. Let it have its place, let it have its time, let it run its course. It’s sad to think how everybody used to tell me, even scream at me, “Why can’t you just be happy?” As if I wasn’t allowed to be sad, or there was something so disgusting about my sadness.
Well you know what? I’m allowed to be sad. Scared. Anxious. Worried. Content. Stable. Ok. Excited. Happy. Loving. Amazed. Any emotion that I wish to feel, I have a right to feel. Oh… and the biggest kicker… you also have the right to feel sad. To feel mad. To feel pissed at the buggers in this world. You do. You really do have the right to feel whatever you please.
So please, feel away. Feel everything you can. Feel everything you want to feel. And if you don’t want to feel it? The best I advice I can give about undesired feelings…
Let them exist.
Repression is an event I have a lot of experience with. I think that’s why I had so many issues with emotions is because I tried to keep them hidden. Shame for sadness overwhelmed all else.
My dear friend- please don’t hide emotions. I admit there is proper time and place to process them, but please let them exist when you can. You’ll feel better.
Trust me. I know.