Three years I’ve been writing this blog. Over 600 followers, over 10,000 hits, and I personally know I’ve helped several individuals just from talking about what most people wouldn’t talk about. My honestly, transparentness, and possible bluntness people seem to enjoy and appreciate. I realize rape, sexual abuse, and depression are sensitive subjects but they need to be talked about.
Reflecting seems unavoidable lately. Without denying myself the desire to reflect I went backwards like I sometimes do and re-read some of my old blogs. I came across a depressing amount of sadness, fear, and overall anguish. I never wanted to accept how unhappy I truly was. Feeling depressed was what I knew as being normal.
And I almost accepted I would feel the deep anguish we’re all too familiar with for the rest of my life. Inescapable. But in the past couple of months I’ve changed. I’ve removed the bad people in my life and replaced them with good ones, I moved to a new city four thousand miles outside my comfort zone, I’m exploring like I’ve never explored before. I’ve found comfort, contentment, and been able to contain said anguish. Actually, no, it’s not contained.
I have found true comfort in knowing I’m right where I should be. And I just want you to know, if you don’t give up, you could feel this way too.
With the passing of Robin Williams and the world changing how they view suicide, I really wish people who feel the anguish I once felt would reach out and grab onto someone. Feelings of depression are easy to hide, easy to cover up. I think there is only one person who truly saw the pain I was in… the rest just read about it in my blog.
Who knows? I might have committed suicide if not for my writing and said one person. Many of my postings I’ve removed, but there were dozens of obvious pleas for help.
I wonder why I keep coming back to the topic of suicide. I know someone is reading this, and maybe that someone has a little bit more hope now. Maybe. Maybe they can know depression need not last forever. Maybe they can now know they are not alone in their pain. Maybe they can now know that I understand how they feel.
I understand how you feel.
Guess the main point I’m trying to get across is: my blog has helped myself and others. Its helped people feel strong. It has helped people feel comfort. It has helped people. Period.
And that is why I continue to write about these sensitive subjects. Not only is it therapeutic for me, but I reach out into the darkness hoping someone will grab on. And some people have. I’m here to help.